It’s the Holiday Season – so let’s Spread a Smile of Joy

Our advice for getting childcare arrangements right over the festive period

We’re told ‘tis the season to be jolly’, but for many separated families, this time of year leads to disputes arising as to how children’s time should be divided between both parents.  In most cases, parents can resolve this predicament amicably but for some, that is not always possible for a multitude of reasons. These are our suggestions to assist parents who may be struggling to agree childcare arrangements over the festive period.

1. One size does not fit all – there are no set rules for families to follow regarding childcare arrangements. Agreements are as unique as the families making them. Unless regulated by a formal Minute of Agreement or Court Order, both parents have an equal right to spend specific holidays with their child but for a lot of families, this is not a possibility. Parents, therefore, must work together to find a solution, and this will inevitably require compromise.
2. Establish a routine – We recommend creating a “new normal” post-separation.  Though not everyone celebrates Christmas, it is a prime example of a potentially stressful time of year and uncertainty generally causes angst so if a working arrangement can be agreed year-on-year then all the better.  Whether that be alternating Christmas Day each year, setting a routine of, for example, ‘Christmas with Dad’ being on, say, Boxing Day, or splitting the week equally so one parent has Christmas and other has New Year, the most important thing for children at this time of year is spending enjoyable time with their loved ones, and where possible and in their best interests, loved ones on both sides of the family. Establishing a routine hopefully avoids any holiday period becoming contentious every year by creating certainty.
3. Share important days – if any big day in the calendar is really important to both parents individually, and location permits, consider if it would be possible to share it, for example, one parent have the night before and morning of, and the other have the afternoon and night of.  It is relatively obvious that, for example, long car journeys on special days of the year are not in a child’s best interests, but if parents live nearby, the ‘handover’ could be managed in such a way as it becomes a nice part of the day for the child. For example, a family walk in the afternoon to the other parent’s house to drop the child off for the rest of the day.
4. Children’s views – obviously some children will be too young to express a view but with courts now taking children’s views from as young as 5 years old, it is important to consider consulting your child as to what they may like to do. We, as family lawyers, regularly hear from our client that their child wants, for example, to spend the holidays with them, and likewise our opposing solicitor hears the same from their client, the other parent. However, often, the question has not been put to the child and their views have not actually been sought. Clearly, much like asking a child what they would like for dinner, their views are not necessarily determinative, but they may offer valuable insight rather than their wishes being assumed or aligned to a parent’s particular view.  This should also encourage discussion as to the holiday plans so they can be conveyed positively and be something for children to look forward to.
5. Be organised – the sooner you can agree plans for the festive period, the sooner your focus and energy can be directed fully to the happier events of the festive period – present shopping, decorations and cooking up a feast! If you are struggling to reach an agreement as to childcare plans over the festive season, it’s not too late to consult our family law team who are on hand to navigate you towards a resolution.

Whatever your plans, and however you choose to spend the festive period, we hope you have a relaxing, happy and healthy time.

David Coutts

Head of Family Law

david.coutts@essonaberdein.com